Nature Initiation

The Landscape of Life...and Death

After being knocked out the past week from being stung, I started thinking a lot about life and death….did the spider, or whatever stung me, view me as a threat? What could I have done differently, if anything, to deter this?

Honestly, I think I just walked through a web (which happens a lot) and it got stuck to my sweaty shirt and that was that.

Nature offers up pretty views, nourshing food and magnificent sensory experiences, but she’s also a fiery obstacle to overcome at times and one of our greatest teachers.

(photo by Angela Morris: Dog, Lucky)

My dog is truly a farm dog.

She was left on the property I bought and knows every inch of the land.

She protects it (and me) and it protects her.

In the mornings when I let the chickens out, she eagerly walks with me and looks for the mice stirring…. excited, as if it’s the first time every time, she leaps off all four paws and pounces like a cat on her prey.

I’ve watched her kill squirrels, rabbits, moles, voles, gophers, groundhogs, mice, rats and an opossum. She tries to kill the chickens and ducks, but so far, so good.  Armadillos confuse her, can’t blame her, they are strange little creatures, so she follows them around as if to study them.

I will spare images, but living in the country for the past 3 years has taught me a lot about death.

I’ve probably ran over as many frogs on the mower as I’ve rescued out of the pool.  I used to use a scoop, but now I pick them up with my hands, occasionally give them a little kiss and walk them to a tree or to the little watering hole to let them go. I’ve wasted away hours trying to rescue them, all the while, they were unaware I was there to help.

(Photo by Angela Morris: Nosy Groundhog on the deck)

My dog just killed one, of what seems like an army, of groundhogs and they are cute little guys, even if they are making a mess of things. One of them has been lounging by the pool daily, while I haven’t had a chance to do that once this entire summer.

Sometimes my dog eats the prey, sometimes she leaves it…or hides it.

When she leaves it, I have to bury it or do something else with it. Usually when I bury whatever it is, the next morning it has been dug up by something and is gone.

Today, I decided to carry the gopher (by shovel…. it’s heavy) to the corner of the field and send out a message for the vultures to come and get some dinner because I really like vultures and there are a lot around here.  I didn’t want to leave the dead animal too close to my house for obvious reasons and I just didn’t have the energy today to dig a hole.  I wished for it to rest in peace and be nourishment for another form of wildlife.

One of the vultures got so close to me the other day, I could hear the sound of the wings swooshing…a little closer and I could have felt the air from them flapping. They are magnificent birds!

Needless to say, my dog has bloody residue on her chin more often than not…. I know when she doesn’t touch her food that she has fed on something else that day.

(Photo by Angela Morris: Isla Winkly and dead mouse)

I don’t want to harm any creature, but after many failed attempts at relocating mice the humane way, I was losing a war that would eventually affect the well being of my other animals and myself…and the house.

Nature asks you to do hard things, it tests your resolve, your ability to do what’s best even if that means death. It’s heart-wrenching for my tender heart, yet important as who else to revere and acknowledge the sacredness of life if not me in my every-day living? I’d rather bear the pain and give prayer to the specialness of its being, then send it onto its next journey than someone cold and unaware who disregards the gifts these animals offer….and the responsibility to bid it a proper farewell.

I have a friend who is really good at celebrating death, who can truly be happy for the deceased to have moved on to another level…who can see the temporary nature…of nature…and the spirit just changing form, free at last, free at last. I’m not there yet, but I also think I have a gift for grieving.

Speaking of grieving…and life-cycles, ducks have given me another example of nature presenting challenges that require hard lessons. When I first got them, It was supposed to be all female, somehow, I accidentally ended up with 2 males in the bunch of 6, which I learned the hard way is a recipe for disaster, as they are very aggressive in their mating rituals and the girls end up a bit battered and bruised on their necks.  It took me a while to figure out the dynamics of what was going on, but when I did it was almost too late for one of my hens. One of the males had become a bully over another female, and a threat to the whole flock. He was never put in a position for success and was likely trying to defend himself, but no one would take him and the one female that was “his” ended up with an injured leg and neck wounds more than what is normal for their mating behaviors. She has been living in a playpen in my house for a month as I help her recover.

She was so scared but over time grew to trust me, now she loves belly rubs and speaks to me, I know when she wants water versus food. We don’t need words to communicate. Nature asks us to be patient…very patient.

I had to make a tough call to cull the bully. I couldn’t do it myself, admittedly, but want to gain the strength to do so should the situation arise again…I don’t want to, but I feel I must if I’m going to be a proper guardian. When that duck was gone, the behavior of the entire flock changed. I used to have to chase them in the coop at night, suddenly they were going in on their own and acting much more happy and peaceful with the chickens.  That one bad egg had ruined it for the whole group.

(Photo by Angela Morris: Ducky Wuckies)

Nature is brutal…and also beautiful.

Nature is unruly and wild…and also peaceful.

Nature is chaotic….and offers up stillness.

Nature is order….and offers up works of art.

I think we’re here, as part of it, to both find our wildness through our connection with it AND bring a sense of order and balance inside the relationship…not in the way the image above represents, as a means to control it, but to congeal our place beside it and discover our similarities through our interactions.

Most of the world wants to avoid nature altogether and label it bad.

I can understand why because I’ve had encounters with this wildness that have been almost unbearable, from bites to dead animals decaying in the walls, and poop mayhem stinking up the place in more ways than one, animals sure do poop a lot.

I can even understand why someone invented lawn mowers. Sure, having a permaculture yard where everything is serving a purpose sounds wonderful in theory but the reality is, everything requires upkeep, and unless you’re a family or community dividing up responsibilities, you will lose the battle to nature every time as a solo doing it all alone….at least that has been my experience.

(Photo by Angela Morris: Frog Cuteness)

I think nature likes being tidied up…. sometimes the weed eating and trimming helps me spot a multitude of issues, it deters snakes from getting my animals, deters critters from trying to get in the house, lessens ticks and mosquitoes. I don’t kill the black snakes on my property, I like that they eat mice, but I do want to keep them away from my chickens and house…we can co-exist peacefully.

Roses need pruning to survive….so do we…we must cut back the weeds in our own lives and let the thorns fall away instead of continue to let them prick away until we bleed.

Tree branches need cutting….so do we…we must trim the heavy branches away that no longer serve a purpose in our lives so we don’t get weighed down and the light can invite new growth.

In the suburb HOA insanity they want to tell you that you can or can’t grow a tree, the number of inches your grass should be, a tidying up for the sake of appearances that give people with nothing better to do titles to make them feel important. This is not what I’m speaking of, nor do I support in any capacity….and don’t get me started about the glyphosate weed spraying…argh….I love my dandelion covered yard, what a treasure trove!

By all means, let the wildness in and out, tend to your garden, plant seeds and allow imperfection to be part of the messy overgrowth of learning what needs pruning. From hugging trees to bended knees for planting seeds, let your life be a prayer and nature be the earthly Mother to hold you in stillness, steady and sovereign, with the rays of the sun lighting the path and the glow of the moon a reminder not to fall too far into the chaos of the world, but return to the roots by walking upon the soil and letting the soles reconnect to the soul of Source. Oneness lives here…in this place…in the mess and in the grace, let it find you.

Developing a relationship with nature is about communing with it, recognizing it sees you at you see it. Ask permission of the tree, observe and communicate with the animals, speak to the land, feel it, sense it, ask it for help, ask it how you can help it.

The city offers comfort, ease, time for pleasantries…I do miss it and can appreciate it, but we’ve gone too far off the cliff as a society and grown desensitized, cold, made normal things that are cruel and immoral…forgotten The Way. The move towards Artifical Intelligence can never replace Natural Wisdom. The material manifestations of concrete sidewalks, consumerist desires and scurrying around like a rat in a maze is not natural (unless you are an actual mouse). Ancient architecture seemed to still have this connection with the natural world in its ornate, intricate and built to last buildings made of nature herself, crafted with artful skill and beauty…how far we have fallen into the grey boxed world of restrictions and uniformity…how is it that we live in a place where you can only choose a color off a list by an “association” of people who have become hueless drones, agent smiths inside a machine.

The point is….if you really decide to spend some time with nature or move to the countryside, Mother Nature will take a bite out of you and see if you’ll play dead or get up and get moving….she’ll issue a warning…you will be tested…you will develop a new relationship with death….and if you’re still standing after some time, you’ll be an initiate of something greater than you ever imagined….the animals will react to you differently….the trees will feel differently when you draw near….death will be part of the process…do you take a second to at least bid the animals you find deceased an offering to rest in peace, or say a prayer, do you stop to hug the tree…nature is watching you and will reveal secrets, truths, omens, and unbelievable moments to witness awe, beauty, reverence for her….if you stop to realize you are part of her and you must know that going into your house behind walls doesn’t change that.

It takes time to build relationships….and that goes for the land, nature, your home, animals…. not just humans. We are in relation with our surroundings whether we know it or not.

Death is an unavoidable part of this cycle.

I watch mice tempt the cats as if they know they are playing with fire in the game of life…the chase is on. While it is sad for the little mouse if he doesn’t get away, I have to wonder if he didn’t know that he was tempting fate, that this was part of his plight…watching them, it seems so, thus, who am I to interfere with the dance between life and death, between the roles or gifts given to each of us to play in the theatre of turning tides and rolling time.

My dog’s instincts need not be punished for she felt she was protecting the land by killing the groundhog. While I do try to show her the ducks and chickens are friend not foe, it’s a continuous dodge, a weaving in and out, a learning for us both.

It’s sad, especially when it’s a baby animal, but nature doesn’t discriminate by age. Its territorial endeavors remind me that our sovereignty must be claimed by one and all, or it will be over-run by chaos of those seeking to try to control what can’t be controlled, for the wildness of being is alive in all creatures, even if dormant. You can’t tame nature, but you can work with it, connect with it, step into your place within it and humble yourself to the inevitable ending we all will face. This is what we all share, the cycle of birth and death. In between that, there are choices to be made in how we live so that we aren’t the walking dead before our time comes.

Are you willing to tempt fate? Are you brave as a mouse? Are you a dare devil ready to pounce? Are you courageous enough to defend what is yours? Are you loving enough to bid farewell to that which time is up? Are you walking with Mother Nature or stomping around as if you are seperate from her in how you reside? Are you noticing how her strength finds a way, how the tiniest crack in the pavement becomes a doorway?

Stop and smell a flower today…. notice the dried petals of the ones bidding their farewell….and be sad, and grieve the deaths of everything you encounter that is leaving us, and say a prayer and never forget the part you play on the grand scale of both life and death.

May all beings be free from suffering and their last breaths go swiftly into the wind.
May all beings be sovereign and free to roam the earth, may their feet tread softly and joyfully.

Hug a person today. Hug a pet.
Walk upon the earth and make a new friend…. even if it’s just with an acorn or a drop of dew, everything is fleeting, will you notice it…. will it notice you?

Nature will humble you, it will pull you to the dirt, it will ask you to taste the grit between your teeth before giving permission to dance upon the hearth…..it will ask you to clean up messes before being given the gift of gentle purrs….it will test you to see if your listening to the song of the birds….it will initiate you into its corridor when it deems your worth….not because you melted into the chaos but because you stood up.

Nature is the way of wisdom
The grantor of freedom
The balancer in rhythm
….for there are no roads in nature
no starts or stops, but a continuum
everlasting.

That’s right, think about it…all the paved roads are just overlays. Beneath it all is the landscape of life and nature doesn’t pay to exist, only the ignorance of humans would allow such nonsense…she just is.

Nature shows us there is no need to “vote” for freedom, for it is already there for you to choose….to live freely and grant that same to another….to protect yourself and yours as necessary, yet walk in peace and non-violence with moral conviction on a quest for honor, integrity and liberation from the madness of a world giving away its Divinity in exchange for priveleges that fund malevolent rulers. Nature holds these answers in her hand yet we think we can instead turn towards man, but that will never work…never has…never can.

From nutrition to politics, answers wait to be found often through our own backyard, in the daily experiences we partake in and through adventurous curiosities sought out. When we lose this connection, we become weak and corrupted, removed from God. When we find this connection, we become strong and of sound mind, closer to God.

Turn toward nature….and she will turn toward you. She is the wisdom keeper, the heart of home, answers can be found if you, across her, roam.

I dedicate this to the little baby chicken that didn’t make it because of a terrible decision I made when cleaning the coop…I’m so sorry, please forgive me. Rest in peace.

With love.
~ ANGELA
(p.s. Humans forget the ways…nature does not.)