Strange Days

Un-Programming

This has been such a strange month.

In a way I haven’t felt quite myself.

In another way, I feel the energy of spring amping up where I tend to get a little chattier and more engaged in activities. The sight and scent of spring literally put a spring in my step.

Do you ever feel this way?

Not quite yourself.

Yet more than your usual self.

I feel like these are in-between moments where old aspects of self that are no longer resonant finally slough off and new parts, new ways, new beliefs are coming online…. coming alive…. finally re-writing that which was deprogrammed into its new script…. a script written by me instead of the system.

The essence of spring brings revelation to the inner changes that happened in winter…. not just within the actual seasons annually, but the seasons of life…. the changes of the inner world finally peeking out into reality.

No one ever talks about how de-programming really works.

It’s not an overnight thing.

It’s a process…. years.

It’s an exfoliation and excavation, it’s that inner work coming to light…. the hermit coming out of the cave.

I see it in the natural world where I live.

This little farmhouse and everything on this land is pushed to the limits by the elements, literally.

The trees are coiffed by howling gasps…. limbs thinned out and dropped to earth to compost.

The animals’ feathers wind-blown and fortified…. only feathers that can withstand the elements grow back.

We live in a fairy tale; the elements shout we’ll huff and puff and blow your house down…. but we’re still here.

My skin is chapped from the blistering winds….my feet wading in the water.

The morning sunrise and the evening sunset are the reward for our resilience.

Everything that stands here is grounded and strong.

All else blows away.

And in this time, I’ve been purified too.

The songbirds helped me heal the frequency into my ears.

The air cleansed my soul by way of every pore under attack by the Spirit of Breath.

The hardness of challenges softened my heart.

The overwhelm of obstacles, strengthened my creative insights to resolve…to resilience…to restore.

Rest demanded attention.

When you de-program you have to give yourself grace for the old programming to exit your vessel…. not just your mind, your subconscious…. but your nervous system, your marrow.

Gratitude swells.

Abundance reveals itself in sneaky ways…. far beyond what is normally perceived as such.

Flowers signal reminders to focus on what matters.

Scents travel up the nasal septum and beauty pours out in sentences spoken with a different kind of fervor.

A longing for simplification becomes a new kind of desire.

Destiny soars overhead.

The stars lure us into the night to dance in the moonlight.

All things change in an instance.

Calm washes over.

Nothing is and everything is.

Knowing turns into now-ing.

Gnosis turns into no-thing.

Breathing turns into serenity.

Presence resets the senses.

We start again.

Distractions dare us to fall back into old patterns.

We fail.

We succeed.

We repeat.

We change.

We learn.

We grow.

We bloom.

We die.

We live.

We are.

I am.

Life is.

Life is strange.

Ordinary is magical.

Accepting the in-between, the awkward, the transitions are necessary to become who you already are.

All is well.

Let your de-programming…your re-programming…. breathe…let it retract and expand…. let it hold fast to what is yours while being malleable to continuous refinement and change…. let it move with you…step onto different stages…. step out of the cages.

Be shaped and shape yourself.

Never set the paradox upon the shelf.

Un-programming from the programming is like a slow motion demolition…when you make friends with the detonator, the burn turns from fear of falling rubble into a lightness of passionate curiosity. The heaviness alchemizes. Simplicity rises. Beauty heightens.

And it’s strange all the while.

Because beneath the rubble your true self is like no one else in some ways….yet like everyone else in others.

Harmony reaches equilibrium.

Even if just for a moment…even if only in the liminal.

~

With love and strangeness,

Angela