I have no purpose

Purposeful Plight

There is this idea in modern society that you must have a grand purpose to help save humanity and if you don’t then something must be wrong with you and you must then go and find it and there are a lot of internet gurus ready and waiting to help, because apparently that’s their purpose…or so they tell themselves! Ha, ha, ha…nah, I’m good.

Philosophers and Sages will debate the purpose of life, it’s a fun topic to explore, especially when many never stop to consider it at all. The Great Work to walk the narrow path seems to be the struggle towards enlightenment for the ages.

Along those same lines, perhaps our purpose is to pass the spiritual tests that all encounter in one form or another throughout life, in order to cultivate and learn how to live by certain morals, virtues and higher ideals. In these moments, we must decide whether we can hold true to our convictions, choosing the harder option, or if we'll compromise ourselves for an easier road.

I think a lot of life is outsmarting the programming and propaganda (inner and outer). You may know a challenge is coming your way but you are trying to avoid it. You know you should be doing x, but are doing y.  You know if you are in the wrong job, wrong relationships, making the wrong choices eventually there will be a tower moment of revelation. Maybe your purpose is to get ahead of it instead of letting it get to that point. Use your free will to shift the gears that are stuck.

Even if we’re not stuck, sometimes we settle for “good enough,” not because there is something better (the whole grass is greener thing), but because we fear the discomfort of meeting the next layer of our being.

The inner void lingers in the back of our minds and we wonder if we are here for more, to do something great, yet, we forget the beauty and connectedness through all things that already are great. At the same time, when people let their true self out, the world says you are too much, put that away…but this, this is your purpose, to not hide from yourself, even if it repels others.

People will post quotes like:

“Follow your passion it will lead you to your purpose” (but, does it?)

Or

“You are responsible for your purpose, it is not just Divinely assigned” (but, isn’t it?)

Or

“You just have to find your niche” (no, no, I don’t have to)

I spent a lot of time trying to find my “purpose.”

I still haven’t found it…if you see it on a Missing Person’s milk carton, let me know (wait, no, I think that’s used for nefarious reasons …oh and I’m not a “person” …but that’s for another day).

I have some ideas about what my purpose would have been had some of my creative tendencies been cultivated as a child, but maybe not, maybe everything is just as it is meant to be.

Isn’t it strange that so many are always looking for their purpose? I wonder, was my purpose ever “really” lost?  Was it once found then escaped grasp, or has it (and will it always be) missing?

I think about my purpose slipping through the door every time it cracks open, like my cat always trying to escape every chance she gets…dang it, there goes my purpose, again, sneaky little thing.

It does irk me a bit to see those people who just know what they are meant to do or have a profound talent that is clearly Divinely orchestrated. It’s up to me to continue to cultivate and deepen that connection to Source and know that we each have our own path to walk and I’ve had a vast array of interesting experiences that I wouldn’t trade.

The self-improvement/fake spirituality gurus sure have some ideas about where you should be looking for your purpose, and after you pay them for a clue into which door to look behind, you’ll see that no matter how good something sounds, nor how many courses you take and the insight that may (or may not) come from it, your purpose cannot be discovered by another.

The road to discovering your purpose is to recognize what is right under your nose, not some arbitrary future place of arrival.

Sure, you can master a skill and call that your purpose, but it’s not uncommon for people to lose that desire, or for it to change. Some things run their course no matter how much we excel at it. Though most never dedicate themselves to something at this extent, an Olympic athlete must find a new purpose after achieving the pinnacle of the game when their body is no longer able to play.

Some say finding a purpose is to find something to live for, and this I can wrap my head around a bit more than some of the other ideas. For example, snuggling with my cat is like the whole world wrapped up in a single moment and there is nothing else I’d rather be doing, so, in that moment, it must be my PURRpose. This photo is literally what is happening while I write this article. I’m no mother, but being a guardian for our animal friends is fulfilling and has taught me a lot about truth, laughter, responsibility and love.

The definition of purpose according to the American Heritage Dictionary is:

purpose /pûr′pəs/

noun

1.   The object toward which one strives or for which something exists; an aim or goal: synonym: intention.

"Her purpose in coming here is to talk to you. The purpose of an airliner is to transport people."

2.   Determination; resolution.

"He was a man of purpose."

transitive verb

1.   To intend or resolve

According to this definition I can be a woman of purpose separate from “having” a purpose that is achievement oriented, well, gee, thanks dictionary.  I’m definitely determined and resolute when it comes to figuring out how I’m going to do whatever it is my imagination has dreamed up, so that feels rather purposeful, I suppose.

The dictionary bolded the word intention as a synonym, which is rather interesting to me because everything we do has a conscious or unconscious intention behind it, thus making everything part of our purpose.

Even the definition insinuates there is no one “purpose” out there to be determined as your ultimate reason for existing in the world, yet this seems to be the implied meaning from many internet influencers, gurus and coaches?

I’ve often pondered the connection between purpose and passion…. you can be passionate about something and it not be your purpose, but it also could be your purpose…and vice versa.  A lof of people have stories about “hobbies” that, if turned into a business, lose the joy. Which was the purpose, the hobby or the business?

I’ve reached the conclusion in my own life that it’s best to strip away this notion of having some grand purpose and, instead, allow each day to reveal to me what I should be doing, at least as much as possible inside the container of responsibilities and daily living.

How many times has life surprised us in ways that brought so much beauty, depth and meaningfulness that were outside of what we planned for ourselves or thought was our purpose…things we thought we “should” be doing according to some standard of achievement by others?

There must be a balance of creating life by authoring it on our own terms and allowing it to surprise us.  Control and Chaos both must exist or life will lose its…purpose.

So many people claim to know their purpose, a desire to to help humanity, but often I see this is a distraction from helping themselves or a mis-guided desire to fuel the ego.  Any coach or teacher who isn’t guiding you back to you, isn’t invested in the relationship or results they provide from a place of integrity. The exchange must be mutually beneficial.

What if your purpose today is to sit in the grass and daydream or stare at the stars without anyone ever knowing, without ever needing to be more than it is?

If we can remember what it is like to be in that child-like state of flow and curiosity, it’s easier to feel the tug of the next best thing that invites us forward, to receive the “download” or gnosis, and this may guide us to just be or it may lead us down a path of lessons and pursuits that feel meant for us…aligned.

I think people have forgotten that life has seasons.

There is the boss-babe hustle culture that is one extreme, then there is the anti-hustle culture of just sit back and believe it and it will be. Both live on the same pendulum.

There is a time to work hard, focus, get your hands dirty, try new things, AND there is a season to go within, renew, retreat.

In this world of extremes, you must be this or that, the nuance and natural ebb and flow has been drowned out by labels and gaslighting. There is a time to do and a time to be.

If a friend called and needed help or someone to talk to, wouldn’t that be your purpose for that day?  If you found an injured animal, you’d probably want to stop everything and help it? Even if your car breaks down, in that moment, you have to focus on that over everything else, thus its repair becomes the purpose for that day.

I bet you have good stories to tell that wouldn’t exist if everything had gone perfectly according to plan. We can find meaning in those moments where we’re asked to pause what we thought was ours and, instead, trust the Divine plan. Isn’t this why these things happen, to remind us we are not fully in control, that the harmony of living is the dance between the inner and outer, yin and yang.

Sometimes things happen that throw everything out the window we thought we knew, wanted, planned, hoped for… and for good reason.  Paths collide when they are meant to. Meetings between people are both from our choosing and seemingly ordained by the mysterious unseen magnetic force that feels anything but hidden some days.

All of my life people have come to me for advice as if I have some answers. I don’t. What I do have is the ability to look at things from an angle maybe others around them couldn’t see. I guess I’m the kind of person who might tell you what you don’t want to hear.  So often, those in our closest circles just tell us what they think we want to hear, because that keeps the peace, which makes me wonder, is that individual really your friend?

Throughout my life, it has seemed that my very existence ruffles feathers. It’s strange, yet clearly part of my purpose…to disturb the status quo, or trigger…hopefully inspire, too…it’s always from a place of love, curiosity and zest for life..as I’ve said before, everyone is a hero and villain in someone’s story.

I like to uncover beauty in the ugliest things, is that not purposeful? Is giving love and compassion to all the cute fluffy little creatures in the realm not a purpose? Is being present in the moment not purpose?  Is trying to make the best possible choices for my healthiest and best self every day not my purpose?  Is connecting with Mother Earth by stopping to plant my feet upon the earth and witnessing it splendor not my purpose? What is enough?

We need more people meeting themselves in their depths of being so they can hold space for another, be it despair, sadness, or the greatest joy. Letting people have their experiences in their fullest expression, that’s fucking purpose.  Sitting with someone in the fullness of feelings without enabling the numbing out through fake consoling via spiritual bypassing, that’s purpose.  Being able to hear, see or witness someone without trying to change anything, that’s purpose. Living with integrity and holding true to your values and morals, that’s purpose!

Purpose is not what you do, but how you move through your day and interact with life.

Everything is ever changing and part of the human experience encompasses a sort of spiritual quest of getting to know yourself through contemplation and real-life experiences in relation to others and the world around you. 

Whether you work at a computer, are an artist, a healer, a janitor doesn’t matter…these are titles, or labels. These labels are necessary on the road to greater self-discovery and awareness but they are not us. The ego’s cloak lets us play these parts that eventually help us see beyond them and into the soul.

It’s ok to bite of more than you can chew. It’s ok to take it easy. It’s ok to make mistakes. It’s ok to succeed. It’s ok to be ambitious or strange, a hermit or on the world stage. It’s also ok to not feel you have some specific “purpose” to change the world. The world will change anyway, so you might as well learn to be fully you.

I say, go be irrational, unrealistic, daydream, do what people try to discourage you from doing, let their negativity motivate you. Follow your curiosity, even if it’s challenging or you have no idea what you are doing. We’re all here for a reason, even if we aren’t sure what that is, even if it seems there isn’t a “thing” for which we’re naturally gifted, and even if it requires going into uncharted territory.

We must remember the seasons of life, for these cycles are guideposts to help us navigate from, and in harmony with, our own inner compass.

For today my purpose is to write this article and go clean my house, what could be more important than that? Nothing!

Whatever you are doing is your purpose right now, it might change, it might not.

Be a blessing to someone today…even if it’s just a smile, or a phone call or a note…this is the beauty of life…to give and receive purposefully. 😉

To be a Hue-man Be-ing seems to be purpose enough considering the challenges that come with learning to be alive. Instead of spending time “looking” for a purpose, why not put some intention into seeing the beauty, appreciating what is, making choices that do not bring regret, nurturing what is sacred.

Maybe I do have a purpose after all, to make the most of this ride I’m on, to let the wind knock me down, get back up and get back on….sailing through the waves, I roam…upon the land, make myself right at home…with fire inside and the desire to honor the wild sweetness of life, like honey right from the comb.

~ Angela
The Irrational Sage

p.s. Maybe we’re here to set ourselves free from the inside out like rings in a tree, round we go learning to stand tall, yet sway… what will we let get in our way, or will we find our inner child and let it come out to play, the elements that make up this whole place…wait.