How to be predictable on Substack

Break the Mold

If you want to be predictable on Substack and positively boring, then be sure to follow the following and become a follower who follows these steps that you should follow if you want more followers.

With these 10 steps you, too, can become successful on this, or any, platform:

1. Use my proven template, just fill in the blanks and sound like everyone else that sounds like everyone else that doesn’t really sound like anything but attracts everything that isn’t authentic….because newsletters are the way in.

2. Funnel all the fun and creativity into a funnel…. because funnels are proven to suck people down into a dark hole where they can’t return and once you’ve got ‘em you’ve got ‘em…. because apparently ethics got sucked down into the funnel too, but it’s ok…because success.

3. ChatGPT all your originality by doing what the machine says and believing what the machine says and, well, consulting with a machine…huh? But, hey, I guess if you trust politicians to know what’s best for you then you probably trust ChatGPT so there’s that…thus, by letting a computer write for you, you might sound smart, but it’s basically lying and plagiarism via mostly stolen data and propaganda lumped into a silver box….and kills brain cells, but if it works it works, so get busy chatting with GPT.

4. Definitely don’t practice writing from the heart or practice writing to become a better writer, instead, only use the catchy phrases, templates, and guidelines because putting yourself out there is too scary and you should not overcome that fear, but hide behind it and wear a cool looking digital mask…for likes, duh.

5. Write what the audience wants to hear because people pleasing and making others feel comfortable at the expensive of our own authenticity, thoughts, and feelings is what the world is built upon and there is no reason to start changing that now….consent to be less than you can be so that other’s aren’t uncomfortable…comply with the unspoken rules and fade into oblivion….but you’ll have a lot of followers, they may not be loyal to your message or a revolving door, but you can count them because it’s all about those numbers…appearances matter. 😉 gag.

6. Formulas, formulas, formulas….if this then that, I mean humans are predictable, so I’m sure it will be incredibly rewarding and fulfilling to follow someone else’s formula instead of your own trials, tribulations, and mistakes in order to learn what works for you…just follow that proven formula, the same marketing hullabaloo that lures via dopamine feel good tactics, shortcuts and hacks. If it’s not broken don’t fix it….or is it?

7. Instead of mentioning other writers you truly jive with, only mention celebrities or people that have amassed a large following by not doing any of the above because brown nosing is still the way to the top and no one can tell (wink wink) that you are trying to kiss ass hoping for that one way ticket to viral success because Look at me, See me, Love me.

8. Algorithms…Always chase the algorithms because once you figure this out you are sure to gain success because algorithms never change and are always there to help you…snort snort, laugh, laugh.

9. Who am I kidding, I don’t have 10 things for this list, this is ridiculous.

There are people who seem to be successful “according to the typical definition of success” on social media platforms who are miserable, unhappy, unfulfilled, and not following their own path. Don’t get sucked up into other people’s definitions and let shiny object syndrome keep your soul from shining.

The fastest and easiest path is usually the even longer and harder path.

Tools in the toolbox are one thing, but following someone else’s outline might keep you from coloring outside the lines…and it’s when the colors bleed beyond the prescribed box where art is made and new paths are formed.

Cookie cutter is usually a recipe for disaster.

Trying to please everyone is like stabbing yourself in the back. Not everyone’s going to like you, but you can’t find your people if you hold back and you can’t help anyone if you try to help everyone.

What’s your why? Do you know?

For me, I have an intention to bring value and thought provoking content, not because of a formula but just because that’s who I am. Throughout my life, people have come to me asking for guidance, as those who know me know I won’t give them the common answers as I tend to have a way of looking at things from a quirky angle or as devil’s advocate, even to anticipate what the other side of the coin may be thinking and assist to frame a greater context to help someone solve their own problem… blah-blah-blah, but seriously, I care and writing kept knocking at my door so I finally opened it.

If you design your life to get more “views” at the expense of genuine expression and a desire to serve others based on your own unique life experience, perspectives and expression, then the cost is yourself…even if it pays.

What if, inside the conundrum of destiny and free will, there is a blueprint for your life ordained by the Infinite Creator…. would you rather follow along with that blueprint written in your heart and soul?

Don’t get me wrong, there are wonderful writers and content creators that offer up valuable tools that are truly useful…people who share what they’ve learned the hard way so that you don’t have to. I’m not knocking these genuine shares by people seeking to be of service and do good work in help others find their footing…. or their writing…. but so much of these platforms become filled with a barrage of fluffy tips and tricks that feel like a leftover Halloween jar of stale candy….trick or treat?

You can take someone’s recipe for success and make it your own, but no one ever stops to examine that persons’ definition for what success means to them…and does their definition of success match yours…and is it really yours or the definition you’ve been told by society?

You can take someone’s recipe for success and copy it… I mean copying is said to be a form of flattery and I can see why if someone resonates or is moved by you in some way how that can be useful…but, that still might not be the right path for you.

Look for teachers that live in the way you want to live, that share the same values and that guide you back to yourself….but ultimately it’s up to you to Break the Mold and that isn’t going to happen as long as you don’t tune in to the frequency of Your own soul and then share that with the world.

To all you wordy weirdos…let’s all keep going….and keep keeping it weird.

Break shit today…. flip the scripts…. turn the algorithms upside down…. burn the templates to the ground…and let there be joy to be found and other curiosities.

At least, for now, Substack isn’t censoring us…so make good use of that…

And, yes, I’m having a little fun today because Substack is suddenly recommending the most random readings to me that are …clearly…not for me.

With love, funny funnels, and success by your own definition,

~ Angela