The New Age wants you to kill your ego, transcend it, hate it, overcome it, let it go. I guess you’re supposed to not be you and instead live in a love and light bubble of utopia where you conform to the apathy of nothingness letting your consciousness be lapped up into the superficiality of an entity in an invisible mask.
The mere popularity of an ego-death heightens my awareness to perk up and see what is really going on, for when something becomes the new “thing” promoted from every direction, be it psychology, self-help, spirituality, then there is usually a reason to pause. It’s easy to get pulled into what seems like sound advice, but the unwillingness to examine the deeper threads of popular opinion is how all of society ends up inside paradigms that are inverted and filled with half-truths or lies masquerading as unequivocable truth.
The self-proclaimed gurus or spiritual influencers talk softly as if that somehow makes their ego less “there” and the priests of positivity sink deeper into lack energy by preaching “we are all one,” which in case you haven’t noticed is the same mantra as the group-think marketing campaigns of “we’re in this together” used to sway mass compliance.
You’re supposed to be doing your prosperity affirmations yet not have an ego? You’re supposed to live as though you are already abundant yet hate those that are wealthy? You better not say anything that makes anyone uncomfortable, yet also conform without conforming? Huh?
The confusion around the ego is weird. The self-help and spiritual industries make promises they can’t keep playing on the guilt trip of the ego being bad because if you have an ego, you are selfish and don’t care about others? Wait, what?
The paradox continues when the people inside the lightwork communities love to justify their own lackluster lifestyles by blaming the big players and their big egos, that having more than you need is evil.
Here’s the thing I want you to think about, are the most likeable and successful people you know, have met, or are portrayed in the public limelight walking around without an ego? Aren’t some of the most unique, vivacious, filled up with life souls in your life also the most captivating, charming, authentic people you’ve ever met?
The truth is that it’s easier to play small and live in fear by denying the ego than it is to step into your full potential, to take risks, to take up space, to own your power in its fullest expression of being. Because most people are good deep down they fear using this power in the wrong way, unable to control the urges, the magnification it brings out of all parts of them, and confirmation bias sets in because there are plenty examples of this in modern society. The mind wanting to keep you “safe” reinforces this behavior that playing small is good and so the cycle continues. From traditional religion to the new age, from corporate hierarchy to familial patterns, playing small makes everyone comfortable, keeps people controllable and yet those same people are filled with longing, often unconsciously angry at themselves for sitting back and choosing a life of regrets.
Of course there can be a flip side to everything and there can be such a thing as a false ego, you know, the the confident pretender or the big bully trying to appear important and find validation through bulldozing over everyone else.
That’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about why we need the ego, why losing it is as good as losing ourselves, our humanness, our point for being here in this earthly experience.
The ego brings personality! Have you ever met anyone without a personality, a lifeless agreeable doldrum, void of character, operating at surface-level only…do you enjoy spending time with these people? Have you ever met anyone who has numbed out so much into a state of apathy, claiming to be enlightened and detached, that they seem to be barely present…do you enjoy spending time with these people? And, introverts can have wonderful personalities too, so don’t think I’m only referencing the bold and audacious types through this statement because it’s more about embracing what makes you different, than playing games. The individuation process of knowing thyself is one in unmasking who we were told to be by the world, finding and revealing our true self. This self is the one that came here for a purpose with unique gifts, perspective and experiences. The unabashed, unashamed, uncensored YOU that doesn’t subscribe to trends or play small to make others feel good. In the play of life, your ego plays the part of YOU, ever changing into the next best version of you if you become its ally. The Role of a lifetime, the archetype of being alive in a multitude of magic wrapped up inside the vessel of life that is ripe with possibilities and experiences to be had. Why on earth would you want to abandon that to transcend into an imaginary place of delusion?
This realm is but a grey and lifeless bore without the ego.
The ego offers protection. Sometimes someone can be a real dick, full of ego in the sense they lack compassion, humility or real empathy…maybe even (dare I say) a narcissist or psychopath…but the flip side of that is that the ego can be a hell of a protector. The persona of you is not here to conform to the hive or group think on a mass scale, nor inside community or other groups, even spiritualism.
I like real confidence, the kind that exudes from someone who is comfortable in being themselves (not perfect) …you know it’s a magnetic sort of energy this type of person has that draws people to them, the people where it seems like everything they touch turns to gold, because in a way it does. And yes, they have hardships, challenges and mountains to climb like everyone else, but instead of running from who they are and believing that the only way to exist is to leave themselves behind and conform to the collective consciousness floating on a cloud, they simply are seated in their own soul, alive, grounded, and embracing the current self.
The unhealthy ego can be consumed with self, not present, lacking self-awareness, inflating self-worth with achievement and validation. The unhealthy ego wants attention for the sake of attention, it’s immature. There is a sense of a child in an adult body unsure of their place in the world, thus often creating false personas or characters not truly representative of the inner state of being. The unhealthy ego denies their true desires, hides their true self and do not really know who they are anymore because so much is buried behind a façade.
The healthy ego is mature and confident in who they are (good and bad), doesn’t pretend to be something it’s not, has emotional regulation and a sense of self-worth that comes from doing the inner-work, showing up in the world and grounded. The healthy ego is confident and at ease in taking up space in the world, allowing the energy to be commanding, yet not overbearing. There is congruency in the inner and outer states of being.
What people often call an ego death, is really just a discovery process of the persona you were molded into from childhood and thought you were supposed to be that is no longer who you really are or want to be. It’s a revelation of patterns that drive the subconscious taking root in our everyday lives and decisions, it’s the epiphany that certain parts of being are formed by coping mechanisms, indoctrination inside systems or familial lines leading to idiosyncrasies manifesting in traits, physical expressions and beliefs. It is a death of sorts and can lend itself to a spiritual awakening, a dark night of the soul, a questioning and seeking of why you are here and what is the meaning of existence, but the confusion around this has morphed into the collective belief that experiencing these things means abandoning yourself in a new way and they are not inexplicably one in the same, interchangeable, and/or correlated with one another. Often this is a spiritual crisis created by a world that wants conformity instead of individuality, productivity over creativity, thus to push one into an ego death, when these meaningful experiences arise, can be to further exasperate the condition and can leave people even more lost, sad and uninspired. Inspiration comes from the embrace of our true nature, desires and the creative essence, the Divine gifts inside everyone wanting to be unleashed and this is embodied through a healthy ego.
The irony I see everywhere is that so many people claiming to not have ego really have an unhealthy spiritual ego inflated to the point they think they no longer have to show up in the real world and have placed themselves on a pedestal with their head floating in the clouds so high that there is no doubt they will fall off of it someday. This is no different than the boastful business-man persona like in the Wolf of Wall Street film, different outwardly, yet both trying to make themselves feel special while avoiding the consequences of their choices. Ego gone wild wrapped up in a fictional character that can only play the part as long as the set is in place….but eventually the backdrop will change and a new scene must emerge. Those with a healthy ego understand change is inevitable, while those with an unhealthy ego cling to the propped up image instead of their natural, authentic expression.
People will tell you not to identify with labels or even have morals, that nothing matters because you are just consciousness in a meat suit…. I call bullshit. What a terribly gross way to exist in the world. Your ego gives meaning, connection and healthy attachment to people, places, experiences, memories, goals, things, nature…how we interact with our environments, how we navigate our place, how we discover our true nature. Identifying with certain roles throughout life can be good because it gives way to represent who you are at that time, what you stand for, who you want to be and how you want to show up in the world as a real living man or woman here to have the most epic human experience possible!
This death is not the death of ego but the transition from the false self into the true self. It is here where there is an opportunity to learn to embody and embrace who you really are as a living being.
We need ego, it is part of us for a reason.
Have you heard about people having nervous breakdowns from a crumbling ego, it’s natural to have an identity of some kind, it contributes to our purpose, it shows us where we shine and gives us contrast to what we are not so that we can find the right people and circumstances to connect with along the way.
You can’t “Know Yourself” if you abandon your ego. In the same way pretending you are love and light and have no other parts to you is to lie to yourself and others.
The ego is a point of division, of boundary, and boundaries are important for establishing who has access to us and a form of protection from those that we don’t want to let into our life. Boundaries separate us and the New Age says that’s bad, we’re all one and in one sense we are an inter-connected web, but do you want to morph into nothingness and spend all your time trying to leave a part of yourself or cultivate and learn to become even more of yourself (which has an ego because otherwise you would not be). I am here, you are there, and there is space between us that connects us to the Divine energy alive in all that is. It is our diversity and ability to separate ourselves from the womb, the family, the system, the hive, from others, in unique ways of thinking that differentiates us AND connects us. Thus, a healthy ego is necessary as a means of expressing ourselves and the Divinity that flows through us, even the word Divine is only one letter away from Divide…. it’s the (N) or (in) that is the inner/in-her/feminine essence from knowing who you are on the inside and allowing that to become MANifest through the masculine principle into the outer world.
So in this world that loves to hate the ego, give it some love instead. Let all your eccentric, vibrant, weird self out and stop trying to murder it, for it is part of you, and like so many things in this world that try to demonize the human body, mind, soul, experience, why not for once try to just embrace what it is and let your uniqueness shine through, the real you.
Stop fearing your ego, your power, your potential, your expression, because doing so does not help anyone, especially you. To live in the fullness of your being is to express yourself and know that avoiding this hurts people far more than playing it safe and not trying. There is enough censorship in the world as-is, the last thing we need is to impose it upon ourselves!
Like this photo of the cat who sees itself like a lion in the mirror, on one hand you could say the cat is seeing a misrepresentation of its true nature, the false ego, an inflated sense of self. On the other hand, maybe it’s seeing how powerful it really can be no matter how small it may seem. Are you playing small or are you ready to roar into your highest potential?
Blessings Be,
Angela’s ego