Everything we want usually hides right under our nose. Can you smell the fear that dares you to move through to the other side?
The land of apathy is where fairytales bubble up in us and yet remain dormant due to inaction. The land of apathy is where people make the mistake of thinking that by recognizing both wings of politics are the same side of the coin, that the only other place to reside is in the neutrality of the middle. The land of apathy is when we grow numb by living on auto-pilot, wishing we had done this or that, wondering when things will change out there…when it was our responsibility all along to make that change. The land of apathy is the constant people pleasing and avoiding confrontation or speaking truth out of conflict avoidance, forgetting that conflict is natural and good.
Without contrast, how can we grow? Without contrast, how can we know?
The New Age loves to tell people to stay in peace and non-attachment and yet I’ve learned this is a place of fear, the security blanket of safety for those unwilling to go boldly toward something that they hold themselves back, unwilling to say what they want and mean what they say. Those unwilling to ruffle any feathers can never leave the nest, after all, no bird can fly that has not desire to get up and move, soar, live! For me I’d rather die from the agony of loving than not loving, I’d rather feel the pain of knowing than not knowing, I’d rather have my heart shattered or live with embarassment from trying than from regret.
The consequence of apathy is a nothingburger, an empty void.
The consequence of living in apathy but rephrasing it as “neutrality” to make yourself feel better or self-soothe for not having an opinion is also an empty void.
Being able to see both sides of a situation can be a blessing and a curse for me and has led me to this place of going through the motions wondering where I should stand and yet that gave me the contrast I needed to get to know what I was made of and what knowing feels like, what the tug of the heart feels like, what the pull of God’s voice feels like.
The next level of the game after waking up tells us the center is neutral, a zero-point field of energy but I call bullshit. This is where dreams go to die and energy fades away as nothing, no thing. Sitting on a meditation cushion of neutrality is not where you go to live an empassioned thriving life. This doesn’t mean I don’t practice meditation, I do, it’s important, but don’t use it as an excuse for inaction, don’t use the feeling of emptiness as a reason to not feel, and don’t think that being spiritual means quietly going through life with a soft voice and singing kumbaya under a persona of love and light that is anything but real.
I see it all the time, the new agers and most dogmatic religions all in costume, different labels for the same fears. The Divine passion of being human has disassociated from the body and into the safe zone. Perhaps this is why the safe and effective narrative seeps slowly into the psyche on both sides of the spectrum. The apathetic state of playing it safe is the ultimate blind-fold of forgetting we are here for a finite time. Even in reincarnation we can only be sure of what is NOW in this very moment… so what are we doing? what are you waiting for?
I see people telling themselves they are in neutrality and yet they remain in attachment to so much. What if the attachment is not always negative as the narrative playing in your head? On the flip side people try to release all the things that they feel attached to because they fear losing those things. Both extremes are rooted in fear of the vastness this human experience brings, of the toll of the pendulum here to offer feedback for expansion and growth.
If you want to embody your highest self in the physical form, I can assure you it’s not going to be able to come into fruition, to bear fruit, from the land of apathy, nor neutrality. To be clear, I’m not talking about the place between desire and letting go, the wanting and waiting, the liminal space, but I am talking about that undeniable and irreplacable spark. Do you know anyone thriving in life and also void of ego, life force, passion? Oh right, ego, bad ego bad some will say, but like anything there are 2 sides and a healthy ego is necessary for the personality to come to life as a human being. If you try to leave it behind you’ll become dull and empty like the lifeless eyes behind masks during the p(l)andemic that I witnessed while walking the wrong way down grocery store isles blanketed with arrows as if to say, the road to apathy is this way.
Everyone is so afraid of pain, of getting hurt, that they keep everything and everyone on a tether, just far enough away to be able to easily let go, just close enough to see a semblance, or potential, of a relationship. What happened to all-in, to commitment, to risk, to that rush of energy that comes from doing something terrifyingly wonderful in order to set blaze on a new trail?
As a libra, I know what it’s like to sit on the scales, to always want to find balance, but one day I realized it wasn’t balance that would carry me, but harmony.
Harmony sits different, it’s a riding of the wave of life, through the cycles and seasons, through the ups and downs, it doesn’t resist, it just flows. Harmony is the feeler, the healer, where as balance is an act in walking a tightrope.
The fear of loving deeply hides behind labels. For example, no one wants Co-dependency, but conscious dependency is healthy. No one wants a clinger but there has to be attention, give and take. People think they want unconditional love or have the ability to give it, but this is a fantasy that creates people pleasing, walking on eggshells, inner conflict, and self-censoring…what do you want? What do you need? Conditional love gives and takes, honors the back and forth, the ebb and flow, it allows each to express their desires, needs, morals, values, conditions that are important for a healthy and deepening exchange between two people. Any pet owner should know this, the relationship is conditional, you feed and care for them and they love you…does this make the love any less, NO…does this make it any less special, NO. There are clearly defined behaviors on both sides and yet animals can’t talk and humans can, so why are you not speaking up and honoring yourself in your relationships with those you love? The consequence of not doing this ultimately breeds contempt, becomes lackluster, and stifles growth.
I can hear someone now saying, but sacrifice. So for those of you that do, yes sacrifice or compromise certainly are an inevitability in any relationship, the thing is are you CHOOSING IT or is it CHOOSING YOU. The consent-based world we live in brings opportunity and consequence. Relationships that are held in devotion to Divinity through the conscious decision to show up as individual sovereign souls is a whole other level of being in a pair, in commitment.
If you want a deep life you have to be willing to go into great depths and only there, only in the deep dive of risking the pain of the plunge, will you also be given the opportunity to swing the pendulum into the deepest love, the deepest knowing. Sometimes this means becoming a hermit in order to deepen the relationship with self and sometimes this means entering into something with another in order to deepen the relationship with self, both show us different reflections as guides towards wholeness. All of it is spiritual for life is spiritual.
Many think we must contain ourselves, that to go too far is to lose ourselves, to become unhinged, emotionally unregulated, and yet that is just a story, not truth. Emotional feedback, emotional regulation and inner work give us the objectivity and tools to become an observer, while also being the feeler.
Being able to self-regulate while also giving ourselves the gift of the ultimate human experience is to expand our capacity of awareness to a point where we truly are the bridge between heaven and earth, where the angel and the devil dare to dance into destiny as friends and we are not always trying to escape the co-creative aspect of reality amidst walking our own chosen path.
So ask yourself, where am I simmering in the sea of apathy?
Where have I become numb and going through the motions?
Am I really living and doing things to keep the spark kindled inside of me?
What do I fear?
How am I not showing up, speaking up or expressing myself?
What am I grateful for?
What awe can I find in living each day?
What beauty can I create?
Inside the human experience, inside the intensity of the most fiery emotions it is not apathy or non-attachment that brings us peace, but our own inner knowing, our ability to know ourselves in relation to ourselves, others and God…and in this space there is an opportunity to give ourselves permission to go on a journey, to embark upon new lands, to choose and look at the unfoldment of life as an experience to be had and course to chart rather than just purely happenstance. You can sit in meditation all day every day and detach from your body and tell yourself this is peace, but this is not peace.
Peace comes from the embodiment of truth and being able to stand in the middle of chaos, of the insanity of life and still feel it. This is not apathy, this is wholeness, so be mindful of what you are telling yourself, for the story may not be aligned with what you want or who you are becoming.
Once you reach this place, the clarity that not having all our dreams figured out is ok because it is the small daily actions that get us there on the path. It is finding purpose in washing the dishes and connecting with someone we love. The land of apathy tells us to watch life just float on by, all is illusory, but is this really true or are we just avoiding something we fear? If it is fear, what does that look like? Is it that if we aren’t suffering, we aren’t worthy? Is it that joy is unattainable to us? Is it imposter syndrome of perfectionism? What stories are you reinforcing?
The land between the heart and mind is where treasures are found, the passion that runs through our veins is fuel. Peace can be found amidst chaos, inside of passion and power, these do not have to be interdependent of one another.
What if just for today you take a detour to see where it might lead? What if just for a day you allowed your imagination to guide you into doing something out of the ordinary because sometimes it is the one tiny change that sends the biggest ripples out into the Universe. I don’t know about you but I see the Land of Apathy as a sort of utopian hell of empty souls, so I’ll be walking down another road chasing dreams, loving deeply and living soulfully.
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AngelaMorris.com