Driven by Heart

Changing Lanes

Everything that used to motivate me, no longer does.

I used to feel the pressure of deadlines nipping at my heals.

The competition of winning an award, only for it to sit on a console and collect dust.

I still have a natural inclination or tendency to need to finish things within a certain timeframe. I still like to challenge myself to compete with myself. Goals I set for myself give me a bowl to fill and empty, so that I don’t sit by idly wasting my gifts, or at least try not to. Even when I fail, I learn by trying, by doing.

The system we live in uses humanity to satiate itself.

When we submit to its expectations, we whittle away the true desires that invoke creative expression and natural ambition, the kind that is rooted, grounded and balanced towards something natural…. greed falls, good rises.

This is woven into the awakening process.

Every industry has its inversion and exploitation normalized in a sort of ritualistic pendulum between mass consumption and production…. only the way it is, is not the way it is.

Once you see the inversion, there’s a humbling, a sort of recognition of our own role, character, and/or mask made to fit in where we were never meant to. A title that often encompasses includes behaviors misaligned to our highest expression of being.

It’s both a dare and a dance.

You know what I’m talking about if you have ever worked any job of any kind…when it’s not “for you” there becomes a daily clocking in and clocking out metaphysically….each day stagnancy grows while buying time, biting your tongue and “just doing your job” eat at your neck…your jaw becomes permanently clenched…anger at the unfairness of this world seeps into bones….

Or the contradictory aspect where you enjoy what you do, yet feel burned out and ask yourself, just because I like it…just because I’m good at it…does this mean this is what I am meant to be doing? (At least, these are the questions I constantly ask myself)

How did we get here…inside a world where there is a unnatural cost to live and a currency that steals energy…. electrical charges create static cling and loopholes run the current…the Earth calls us to off-set and re-ground…. bare feet on soil re-ignites and re-enlivens the heart.

You want to run from it all but then find yourself in a sea of talking heads. Many coaches and gurus try to force you into a purpose that looks like flipside of the inversion but often is just a change of labels.

Influencers influence more exploitation but under the guise of a humanity helping offer…or if you need to feel more special, a “high ticket” offer.

Not that making a living is bad, it’s not, but so rarely do I hear anyone discuss the trust cost…conscience…usefulness…substance.

AI is turning everything into an easy button but the offer is empty, hollow instead of hallowed…there’s a siphon disguised as a funnel…the cost of “impressions” is often a solution pressured to fit people into another box.

Nothing changes but the costume.

Ultimately, it’s not about whether you work for someone or work for yourself.

That’s just surface chatter.

It’s about reclaiming motivation from the heart instead of the programming.

It’s a slow re-wiring through different choices and greater awareness of how one’s own morals, values, and principles show up in everyday life.

It’s a lot of failing and starting over…day by day.

It’s learning to become motivated in the way a bird is motivated to build a nest….to do what comes naturally…. not forced…not programmed…not expected, just innate.

This doesn’t happen overnight.

Transformation is a process.

It’s a stripping away more than an adding to.

Alchemy is a slow churn of agitation…. deconstruction lifts “weights”…not in the way of the gym but in the way of removing what felt heavy from the field. Spinning lead into gold is painful. Movement chips away the clutter, while stillness invites a remembrance of clarity.

We must remember that our choices behind closed doors in the private ripple out into the world, just as we do in public.

To try to separate our “why” is like disassociating just to exist.

I find it to be a difficult conundrum.

Give and take.

Take and give.

While holding center.

Standing in the square of sovereignty.

Certain, yet surrendered.

Individual, yet connected to others.

Humble, yet confident.

Motivated, yet allowing flow.

Ambitious, yet purposefully intentional.

Aligned, yet open to possibility.

Knowing, yet not knowing.

It is only when we can stand in the paradox of being that life makes any sense…. where sorrow and love co-exist, where co-creation is heartfelt…and motivation changes lanes.

Processes wane and wax.

The coffee waits for you to drink it.

The cup holds potential for the day.

The warmth invigorates the senses.

Attention comes and goes.

Awareness asks to be seen.

Ambition changes forms.

Life holds meaning again.

…until it doesn’t….

But we must be willing to start over.

…and over…

…and over…

For what once “worked” no longer fits.

More layers shed to get to the natural inclinations….to be lit up like when we’re kids…. about things that matter in the material realm…. because it’s all temporary….and that’s the paradox showing up again…

…What can be held forever is immaterial, but the experiential revels in tangibility.

What motivates us? Why? Where is that energy going? Are we driving down the same lane over and over…if so, is it worth it or is it time to put the blinker on?

We need both fire and water.

Fire brings passion, motivation toward action, will, conviction, principles to stand on, gumption, Heart, courage, tenacity.

Fire lifts up. It is solar.

Water gives way to motion, mystery, flow, intuition, depth, flexibility, imagination.

Water is level. It is lunar.

Together they form a signal, an equalization, a crossroads.

Both Purify. Both live inside of us.

If you’re like me, you get lost sometimes….lean too much in one direction….lose sight of the shore….but this is also part of the natural uncovering….cycles of waning and waxing live within us as we are part of the environment for which we share….the atmosphere we create around us in our homes is an extension of the atmosphere within us….the outer world of elemental forces are catalysts for change….sometimes hard and forceful…sometimes easy breezy.

I don’t know, really, I just play in pondering…potential roots there…focus mounts up…joy brings love…beauty waits for us to discover it…and create it….in the lane of motivation, meandering, and meaningfulness….because when we are driven by heart, everything looks different…every tasks feels different…every moment becomes auspicious…mundane turns to magic…and Monday’s become a chance for beginning…again.

Society is unwell…but we are not doomed to apathy. Embracing life fully, affirming all that is life giving, loving what holds the essence of creation while simultaneously recognizing it is fleeting means we can only control our own choices, our own responses, our own direction….and that is enough.

We can always change lanes…just make sure your heart is at the wheel.

With pizazz and restraint,

~ Angela